


Acceptable Losses

by Fossarian



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse, F/M, Gen, Implied Relationships, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:36:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13439814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fossarian/pseuds/Fossarian
Summary: Kylo kneels before Snoke after the fallout with Rey.





	Acceptable Losses

“What am I going to do with you, Kylo? Just what am I going to do?”

Kylo knows better than to answer. He gives a minute shake of his head, trying to fling off the _I don’t know_ and _I’m sorry, I’m sorry_ that keep wanting to climb free of his throat in a desperate bid for self-defense. He’s in enough trouble.

Snoke’s words are punctuated with each step he takes in front of Kylo, but Kylo doesn’t dare look up. He won’t until he has to. He traces a white line with his eyes leading up to Snoke’s chair, a demarcation from one marble tile to another. Kylo keeps catching glimpses of Snoke’s reflection in the shiny surface, though, throwing off his ability to stay focused.

 _Weak, stupid._ The thoughts come half-formed and take shape at Snoke’s contemptuous, “Yes, you are. You’re quite a fool and I’m really beginning to wonder.”

Kylo doesn’t mean to but he looks up and immediately regrets it. Snoke’s poorly concealed disappointment is worse than any blows he could receive and he actually starts thinking of ways to provoke Snoke into getting on with his punishment, just to stop this slow torture.

“It wasn’t -” His voice feathers out and he licks his lips, tries again. “The girl. She wasn’t -”

“What you expected?” Snoke finishes for him with a knowing tilt of his head. “Is that lightsaber on your belt just for show, then? All the years I wasted on you… Do you now mean to tell me that you are unsuited for the job?”

Panic starts filling Kylo’s head like a static buzz. “No,” he says forcefully. “Nothing’s been wasted -”

“Except my time.”

Snoke turns from him with a dismissive, almost dainty flick of his wrist. “You try my patience. Perhaps that guttersnipe who bested you is a better bet, hm?”

“She’s not,” Kylo snaps. His vanity pricked, the words slip out of him uncensored by either his anger or his fear. “I’m the one you want. I have the power. She’s nothing -” He huffs, his rage at the unfairness of it all finally getting the best of him and he can’t stop the litany of manifold wrongs done by the presence of that - that _girl_ into his life.

“The Force chose her. I saw it in the woods and it’s not - not hers. She didn’t work for it. I’ve done everything you wanted. I worked to get here. She’s nothing. She’s _nothing._ ”

He spits the last word out, his gloved fist slamming down onto his thigh. It’s so unfair! Why did the Force betray him like this? He has always done whatever he was told. Has been a dedicated and faithful student to the Darkside since he left Luke’s dubious care. Why is he being punished in this way?

“You are a spoiled brat,” Snoke says softly. “A complete and utter _child_.” Snoke makes it sound like the worst word in the galaxy.

Kylo simply nods. He’s done it. He let his temper get away from him _(again)_ and whatever happens now is his own fault. Rey’s serenity in the woods mocks him in his memories. Her image makes him sick to his stomach. He hates her. Would gladly choke the life out of her with his own hands. She’s the reason he’s kneeling here now. She’s the reason he… that he’s not who he is supposed to be.

There’s the eerie rustle of Snoke’s robes, like a dozen snakes gliding over leaves, as he moves to sit on his throne. For a moment there’s nothing but the penetrating weight of his gaze on Kylo and Kylo begins to sweat. Then Snoke sighs. “I used to think that infamous Skywalker temper of yours was a blessing. Keeps you from thinking too much. But now it’s becoming a liability.” He slides one long finger under his chin, looking at Kylo thoughtfully. “Come here.”

Kylo doesn’t want to. And for a terrifying second he thinks he _can’t_ , his muscles so tense and sore from battle and the strain of keeping motionless in front of Snoke that they’ve locked up. But he’s been hurt worse than this before and had to do more. He forces himself to move, his hands coming forward as he momentarily loses his equilibrium. Then he is standing and he walks with leaded feet to the bottommost step of Snoke’s dais.

“Look at me.”

Kylo flicks his eyes up to Snoke’s face, knowing what’s coming; better to just get it over with. Snoke smirks at him, as if amused by Kylo’s sudden commitment to following orders.

“You always were a troublesome boy,” Snoke says, almost affectionately, his hand reaching out and carding through Kylo’s long hair. “It’s my fault, really. I gave you too long of a leash, didn’t I?” As he speaks his fingers slide around the back of Kylo’s head, still gentle, twisting through the dark strands.

Kylo tries to speak, to say, “No, it’s not your fault, it’s mine, it’s -” _that girl, that witch from the desert_ but he never gets a chance to.

“I have been too lenient with you,” Snoke says and slams Kylo’s head down on the stone floor.

Even though he’d been expecting it the shockwaves briefly stun Kylo and he’d can’t do anything but lie there and pant through the pain. Blood pounds in his head and breathes new fire into the wound now splitting across his forehead. He tastes blood in his mouth. He must have bitten his tongue when he hit the floor.

He slides his hands underneath him and tries to push up, but Snoke’s heel comes down and grinds into his back.

“Stay down, you stupid brat,” Snoke says, still calm, still so calm. “You can stay down there until you know your place.”

Kylo hates being pinned down. _Hates it hates it hates it._ He would rather be electrified for hours than forced to lie here _trapped_ , unable to do anything but endure. Snoke knows that, of course.

Luke had known that, too. And he’d also used it against Kylo, although in widely divergent ways. They, all of his teachers, they kept seeing things in him - great things - and Kylo kept everlastingly letting them down.

Kylo doesn’t fight the heel pressing him to the floor, he’s afraid if he doesn’t get control of his breathing he’s going to spiral into a full-blown meltdown and that will be very, very bad for him. It’s not that he means to get so angry. It just… happens. And then it’s like he leaves his body or something and the black takes over, the black that makes him destroy anything and everything he touches. The black comes and when it leaves Kylo is allowed to return, and he can never quite remember how it had all occurred. He only knows what he did by the bodies.

Despite all his calls on the Force, he can’t seem to get his shit together enough to calm down. His heart rate keeps increasing as the inexorable grind of Snoke’s heel digs deeper into his back. A scream tries to claw its way out and he knows he should just do it, that that’s what Snoke wants, but something, his pride or some other such useless thing, won’t let him.

In the haze of pain and panic, there’s the Darkside waiting for him; always there, a little distant, a little aloof like a spectator at a show, but always _there,_ whispering suggestions.

 _Not now,_ Kylo thinks wildly. _Not now!_ He will split into a thousand pieces on this marble floor. He will lose control and the black will come and then he will be alone again.

Kylo casts about for something to focus on, some kind of line that will keep him from this fate. Why Rey should enter his mind at this time is a mystery to him. He only knows that she has appeared like a vision, as she was in the woods, reflecting all the purpose and confidence of somebody who has no idea what they’re doing.

Kylo focuses on her face. He had been so close to her he could remember every curve of it; the cool glow of her lightsaber had lent an almost ethereal aura to her, so disconcertingly peaceful while in the midst of battle. Kylo had felt it, had been distracted by it, and lost. Despite his association with her image with negativity _(that isn’t anything new)_ Kylo feels himself begin to calm.

He can do this. He can do anything. He has killed and nearly died himself a dozen times to get here and whatever Snoke does to him, Kylo will show him that he deserves to be here.

Above him, Snoke just laughs. “Are you quite finished?”

Kylo swallows down more blood and nods at the floor. Slowly, Snoke lifts his boot off of Kylo’s back and with a casual motion brings Kylo to standing. The abrupt use of the Force makes Kylo nauseous and fresh pain slices down his back and through his head. Kylo blinks rapidly, his vision blurring as Snoke’s face hovers in front of him.

Kylo uses the remains of his energy to keep standing and still. Even through the blur, he can tell by Snoke’s smiling expression that he made another mistake.

“I didn’t realize you were such a whore that one girl’s interest in you was enough to abandon all my teachings,” Snoke says with academic interest. He wipes the blood off Kylo’s bottom lip with his finger. “Perhaps a new round of training is in order?”

This time, Kylo does scream.


End file.
